What to do? Help!

By roro07 on Mon, 12-12-11, 20:21

Posted in Group:

Online Dating

So, I met a guy online. We hit it off very well and there was a good connection. We exchanged numbers. So the very next day he texts me hey beautiful girl. I responded back. We were sending text messages and calls a good bit. He was very open and honest. He wanted to come down and see me and kept asking when he could come. I was in school so I told him it'll be sometime around when I get out of school. He kept saying "WE" instead of "I". I noticed that a lot when he was talking to me. He said he wanted to take things slow. His ex hurt him pretty badly and I understand the taking it slow part, because I wanted to take things slow, also. So there was a little altercation but it was settle. Now, he only talks to me on the site and doesn't text me anymore. I'm giving him his space and letting things work out itself.

AT the same time, it's very confusing and makes me wonder. Did he mean what he said? Sometimes I feel as though he caught really deep feelings. I need some insight.

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By CK on Tue, 12-13-11, 11:18

I think it is easy to get caught up in a fantasy world with online dating, not that I am slamming it all, just that things can take off really fast when your whole relationship is confined to the perfect context of phone conversations, texts and e-mails. As to your little altercation, perhaps it was small to you, but to him it scared him into seeing that this is reality and reality isn't as fun as made up perfection. This is just a guess. Perhaps it is time to move onto someone new who can exist in the real world.

Wishing you luck!

-CK

Sometimes I believe in as many as six impossible things before breakfast-Alice in Wonderland

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By KellieMontgomeryLMFT on Tue, 12-13-11, 11:46

Yeah, its very easy to get caught up in the fantasy of having a partner..while he stated he wanted to take things slow his actions were pretty forward...which to me means he really would like to be a "we" but is scared to get hurt- as we all are. Im not sure what the "altercation" was about, but its good that you are moving slowly. "Deep feelings" are feelings that develop over time when you really get to know and enjoy someone for who they are- sometimes you can just connect with someone- but time often tells whether or not this person really can make you happy and vice versa. When you begin to have feelings for someone its' a really exhilirating and exciting thing- and you can easily get caught up- but without really knowing someone you can get very attached to the idea of who you want them to be or the fantasy. Its okay to meet people on line, but 'deep feelings' are the real stuff that comes from meeting with someone, enjoying their company, getting to know them, spending time understanding and relating to each other...thats' the good stuff!!

Warmly,
Kellie Montgomery< LMFT

If you would like additional support, you can reach me at the following link
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By roro07 on Tue, 12-13-11, 15:32

Yeah I agree what you guys are saying because it is very understandable. We get caught up with what someone is saying and think they mean everything they say. He wanted to come see me but I had work and school. I agree deep feelings it what comes from meeting the person. I just think people should be honest from the get go. The altercation was horrible. I didn't know about it until I saw it on the account. I don't live in a fantasy world...I might look for friends but not into what I want someone to be. It's like playing with people minds and leading the person on to think more of it or have them on the side while keeping their options open. I mean I don't have a normal life because of something I have...so it makes it harder to date you know.

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